|Posted by phil_pollard on May 12, 2014 at 9:15 PM|
Stop letting people who do so little for you control so much of your mind, feelings and emotions- Will Smith
If you really want to break the cycles of choosing toxic behaviours such as anger, drugs, alcohol, violence, etc one of the major turning points will be to break free of toxic relationships.
To break free of toxic relationships you need to stop blaming the other person such as your mum, dad, brother, partner, friend and so on and start looking within yourself.
Too often, too many people, blame too many of their life’s issues on their childhood. Take for instance my son Josh. Early last year at rock bottom Josh was SO angry at me for bringing him into this world full of his own anxiety, depression, drug issues etc, yelling at me for bringing him into a world as a child in abuse, neglect, trauma etc (now I’ve done enough counselling myself to know I’m not that kind of mum anymore and I would NEVER let anyone harm my children and YES I agree I did do damage when I didn’t protect my children) BUT as I’ve learnt through my very own lessons in life, blaming others will NOT help you. I spoke to Josh and told him bluntly “yes Josh I feel guilty about not being the best mum and I understand how you are feeling, I really do, BUT right now mate you’ve for two choices in life 1. Keep blaming me and your dad for your horrible childhood and drag this shit through your life for the rest of it and stay medicated for depression and stay on drugs to block your feelings and just live a TOXIC life forever until you die OR 2. Get counselling, let go of blame, and be the CREATOR of your future, you’re 18 now the world is YOUR oyster, go and create MAGIC because it’s there!!!!!!
Please please please guys do yourself a favour and STOP blaming others in your past for your future; the ball is in YOUR court to create what ever life you dream of
I know I use to blame everyone around me, I would tell myself that if they didn’t piss me off I wouldn’t get so angry, if they didn’t speak to me that way I wouldn’t have to yell at them; you see I didn’t keep myself accountable and it felt easier to blame someone else for my behaviour than to look at me and change myself. I kept telling myself that they had the problems, not me. Once I realised the answer to living my dream life was all about changing ME, that’s when my world started to change.
I learnt this tool from my counselling session and absolutely loved it. I hung it on my wall and even still to this day I use this powerful tool. Ask yourself; every time you are blaming someone else for something that has happened are you going “above” the line or “below” the line. Once you keep yourself “above” the line consistently over time; you will find major changes happening.
The line that separates the blame game
Above The Line
Below The Line
Living in toxic relationships is most likely the key factor into your toxic behaviours. As I’ve mentioned throughout this book; my relationship was so toxic that there was no hope in hell that I could have worked on my issues as well as live in that kind of relationship.
I also knew in order for me to break my toxic cycles that I had to get away from the friends I was choosing as they were living the same kind of toxic life that I was and so it seemed to me that my toxic life was “normal”.
I knew I had to step outside of my “normal” and find another way. All around me were people living in toxic relationships and I had to be strong and find the kind of people I needed to be surrounded by in order to change my life.
When DHS gave me my ultimatums I had to dig deep and search with all of my might to find the right way in life. At first it was uncomfortable but I soon started to feel comfortable with the uncomfortable.